Depression after Being Saved
Our friend, YB, sat down with JBo from the BOOST morning show to share his testimony of becoming a believer. But typically with these stories, you expect a “happily ever after” ending. That wasn’t the case for YB. He shares with us how he fell into depression AFTER becoming a believer. Take a listen to this unique story about depression after salvation and how God pulled him out of it!
View this video with YB, and other interviews with BOOST artists videos on the BOOST Radio YouTube Channel.
YB Interview Transcription
YB:
At this point, I have been in the driver’s seat of my life. Growing up without a father, I always felt like I had to have the answers or I had to provide the solutions. And I’m looking at this woman down the aisle from me, hands in the air, carefree. She’s not worried about nothing. I had tears. And the only thing that mattered was her getting into the presence of God to worship.
Now, me on the other hand, my head is in my lap. I’m worried about what people think of me, I’m worried and me being here is just a mistake. And I look at this woman and I said, “Man, God, I don’t know who You are or what You’re about, but if You gave her whatever it is that she has, I’m willing to give You a shot.” And I stood up out of my seat and I felt the transaction of the Holy Spirit come on.
When I stood to my feet, the old died. And when I opened my eyes, I just had a passion for people. And I knew that that was my moment.
JBo:
So Chris Tomlin comes out and that’s when you’re like, okay, I’m giving my life to the Lord.
And then you took what you were already doing, which was music. Which is rapping and you decided to do it for the glory of God. In the midst of all that, you’re looking around, you’re seeing all these teenagers, look like you. What was your next step? Did you go into youth ministry? Did you…
YB:
No. Honestly, after passion, when I start to confess, I didn’t even know the process. Once I felt like God love me, for me, I just was like God, I’m done doing this. I’m done doing that. I’m done. God, I’m done, done, done. Because everything else was worthless, whatever I could have clung to.
JBo:
I hear you.
YB:
So I had that moment. And then I go back to Arkansas from Atlanta, and I don’t do music for about nine months because I’m like, dang, God, You took music away from me. This is the new God that I just now encountered who He is.
JBo:
So you felt like He took it away. What you were listening to, what you were…
YB:
I thought just because I’m good at rap, that don’t mean that that’s what God has called you to.
So when I said I surrender, I laid everything down. I’m discouraged, I’m depressed because I’m not writing music, I’m not working on music, I’m not doing nothing. So for nine months, my friends is like, yo, YB is not himself. So I get saved and it’s just come crashing down.
JBo:
I’m glad you bring that up because you got saved and you literally surrendered everything and that something doesn’t happen. It’s like I’m saved. Okay, I still have these gifts God gave me and I’m going to use it for God’s glory. But never asking God if this is really what you want me to even do.
So the depression after the salvation.
YB:
Oh yeah. Yeah, rock bottom. Rock bottom. I’m just working my job. I’m working at a radio station at the time.
Sales. I wasn’t doing the front part. Well, I wasn’t built for radio sales.
JBo:
It’s okay, neither am I. Haha
YB:
I’m doing my sales. And my friend at the time, he knew, he was like, man, YB, something’s not right. So for about nine months, no music, no nothing. And one day I’m sitting in my office and God hit me. Now this has been me praying the whole time, but He finally spoke or I finally heard Him.
And He said, “Son, do you think that I want to take away the gift that I gave you?” He said, “I gave you the gift, I just want you to shift the focus from you to Me.” Oh man.
I went to the dorm and recorded a song the same day!
JBo:
You’re like, I’m back.
YB:
Oh yeah. Oh yeah. So what was ironic was when he said that, that was during the day. We had a country artist, because it is Camden, Arkansas at this time.
We had a country artist come to El Dorado to do a performance. It’s like a live music fest. So I’m walking around still, because at this time I’m still doubting prayers. God is speaking, and I’m like, man, maybe that ain’t me. Maybe I’m just eager to start rapping again.
So I’m like, I don’t know. Well, we walking Downtown and my friend was like, Hey YB… I’m still walking around, head hung. And he said, “Hey YB, if I get you to rap for these kids and I tell them that you’ll freestyle for them, will you do it?” And I was like, “Bro, don’t do that. I’m not in the mood. You know how I feel about music.” He’s like, “I respect that. Hey guys, here’s my friend, he’s a rapper.”
JBo:
He like, I bump your feelings. I don’t care what you think.
YB:
So he gets out in front of them and he tells me, he’s like, “Yeah, his name is YB and I’m going to let him rap.” So I’m sitting there like a deer in the headlights, because I just told him not to do this, and I got 30 middle schoolers in front of me. And then one kid was like, “Well, are you going to rap or not?”
JBo:
Okay. Middle schoolers are tough.
YB:
I’m about to choke. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. They’re not holding back.
JBo:
Nope.
YB:
So I’m like, man, I’m not even prepared, okay, what is it? So I just started rapping. And then they’re like, oh snaps. They look at my friends like, yo, he really is a rapper. He’s like, oh. They start going crazy. So at the end of the rap, the kids come up to me and they say, yo, are you on Instagram? Man, how can I find you?
JBo:
No. Come on.
YB:
So I tell them my Instagram and they say, “Man, so then why do you rap?” And then I felt my heart just rip open and God was like, “This is why.” And I was like, “Oh yeah, I rap to tell and talk about God and what he did in my life.” And this and this and this. I see all of them stop and eyes just wide. As I’m talking to them, God is saying, “This is why I gave you the gift, to open these doors to talk about my son Jesus.” So that whole day of just clarity. And then after that we was like, okay, let’s run.
JBo:
Come on. And I would not be surprised if God spoke to your friend and said, Hey, go tell YB he’s about to go rap for these kids.
But applaud to your friend who didn’t take your no.
YB:
Yeah, and who was a sold out believer on the campus.
JBo:
Yeah. Hey. So when it comes to young adults, to teens, there’s a lot of pressure in the world and there’s always been a lot of pressure. Let’s not pretend like it’s brand new pressure.
Because the pressure you and I had, some of that stuff is still around for younger adults and teens.
But I feel like now it’s amplified because now there’s social platforms times 20.
So what are some biblical encouragement that helped you when you were going through that process, of when you got saved and even through the depression, that you can give to the youth today?
YB:
Yeah. Well, so biblical encouragement, man, my life verse is John 5:30, “For by myself, I can do nothing. I judge only as I hear and my judgment is just, for I do not seek to please myself, but Him who sent me.” Those mighty words came right out of the mouth of Jesus, those red letters. So if Jesus says, for by myself, I can do nothing.
I seek not to please myself, but only Him who sent me. So when I start to let the world cave in on me, and I feel like it’s the end of me and oh, woe is me, hold on. The King and the Savior of this world said, for I do not seek to please myself but him… It’s a easy shift to get everything back in line.
JBo:
Come on, teach that text. Teach the text, brother.
YB:
So for me, that was my encouragement to be reminded of, if I say I follow Jesus, hey, this is His mindset on these things.
So I would say that, but then also too, not to get away from people. When life get hard from me, no matter how hard life gets, you always have an opportunity to serve. You always have an opportunity to help somebody in whatever that fashion is, or the one that I believe, one of the most powerful things Christians can do nowadays. You always got an opportunity to listen. To just sit down and not have a text ready, to not have… But just say, God, give me the wisdom to be quiet. I’m being honest.
JBo:
I’m laughing because that’s something I’m still working on. I’m seriously still working on.
YB:
So I would say for the encouragement for the youth, it’s like, man, God is bigger than what we’re going through. And one thing my mom always say, “Son, pick your head up. God’s not surprised.
We are, but He’s never surprised.” So that will be my encouragement.
