What does it mean to be a father when you didn’t have a role model growing up? In this powerful conversation on BOOST Radio, Beleaf opens up about fatherhood, marriage, grief, and the hard but beautiful process of learning to love yourself so you can love your family well. From letting his wife find healing in her own way, to facing childhood wounds, to raising kids in today’s world, Beleaf gets raw and honest about what it really takes to build trust at home and break cycles of brokenness. If you’ve ever wondered how to lead your family without a blueprint, this one’s for you.
View this video with YouTuber, Beleaf, and other interviews with BOOST artists on the BOOST Radio YouTube Channel.
1. Father Yourself First
One of the most powerful messages Beleaf shares is that your first job as a father isn’t to father your children—it’s to father yourself.
“Your primary goal as a father is to father yourself.”
Many of us carry wounds from our upbringing—absent parents, emotional neglect, or simply not having a model for healthy manhood. Beleaf’s honesty about being raised by a young, overwhelmed mother and yearning for his father’s presence reminds us that we don’t have to pretend to have it all figured out. What we do have to do is start healing.
Fathering yourself means:
Talking to yourself like someone you love, not like someone you’re disappointed in.
Allowing yourself rest, therapy, and time with God.
Confronting your trauma, not suppressing it.
Beleaf shared that his journey of healing began with learning to speak gently to himself—just like he would to his children. That inner voice, he says, is where the real fatherhood work begins.
2. Pursue Every Version of Your Partner
One of Beleaf’s most eye-opening reflections came when he said, “Who you marry is not who you end up with.”
That hits hard.
As we grow, evolve, and face life’s curveballs, so do our partners. The woman you married might now be a mother, a grief survivor, a dream chaser, or someone navigating deep healing. And your role? To pursue and re-learn her through every stage.
Beleaf opened up about how his wife changed as she became a mother, processed trauma, and grieved the loss of his sister. Each version of her brought new dynamics, challenges, and needs. He didn’t just stay married—he stayed curious.
This lesson calls us, as Black fathers and husbands, to go beyond surface-level support. We must be active learners of our partners’ growth:
Ask deeper questions.
Sit with their pain without rushing to fix it.
Acknowledge that loving them well means adapting, not just enduring.
Love isn’t static. And in a culture that often teaches us to “hold it down” without evolving, this kind of relational agility is both radical and necessary.
3. Let Go to Love Well
When Beleaf shared the story of letting his wife attend a three-week silent retreat with no phone and no contact, he described feeling betrayed. She was battling self-harm and grief after the loss of his sister, and though it terrified him, he knew—he couldn’t be her solution.
That moment was a turning point.
“I had to allow her to be a daughter instead of my wife.”
That kind of release—letting go of control to prioritize healing—requires humility, trust, and deep love.
Sometimes, the best way to love your family is to not be the fixer. To step back. To let God, therapy, or solitude do what your presence can’t.
This is especially hard for Black fathers who were raised to be protectors first and foremost. We’re taught to be the strong ones, the glue, the providers. But true strength often looks like surrender:
Letting your partner seek help without feeling threatened.
Releasing your children to grow into their own identities.
Trusting that your value isn’t diminished by stepping aside.
Letting go doesn’t always mean letting down.
4. Build a Safe Space at Home
Beleaf had a powerful realization while watching his own father hang out in his home
“I’m jealous of him… I wish I was able to have that on a regular basis.”
That hit different.
He wasn’t bitter—but it revealed something deep. The home he built with his wife and kids became the safe space he never had growing up. And in watching others enjoy that space, he saw just how healing and sacred it really was.
As Black fathers, many of us are building what we’ve never seen. We’re parenting without a blueprint, trying to create peace in places that used to be survival zones. It’s not easy—but it’s necessary.
Here’s what building that safe space looks like:
Creating emotional safety, not just physical safety.
Letting your children see you apologize, cry, and grow.
Making home a place where they want to be, not just where they have to be.
You don’t need a perfect past to build a beautiful present. Beleaf shows us that we can reframe legacy—not by pretending our pain didn’t happen, but by choosing to be different for the next generation.
5. Put Relationship Over Reputation
Beleaf walked away from a successful music career, shut down a growing agency, and gave up a full office setup—all for one reason: his kids weren’t feeling it anymore.
At one point, his sons said they didn’t want to be part of the videos. His wife, who had always been more private, was pulling back too. Even as the views were climbing and the platform was booming, Beleaf hit pause.
Why?
Because relationship equity mattered more than content strategy.
That decision speaks volumes. In a culture where building a brand often means sacrificing time, energy, and even boundaries, Beleaf reminds us that your legacy isn’t what strangers think of you—it’s what your family remembers about you.
Putting relationship over reputation looks like:
Saying no to opportunities that cost too much at home.
Letting your children and partner co-author the story, not just appear in it.
Making sure your kids trust you enough to come back home—even after hard seasons.
In the long run, your influence in your children’s lives will outlast any viral moment.
“I had to shift from doing it for them to doing it with them.”
Finding Hope Every Day
Whether you’re in the mood to turn up and dance like no one’s watching, or if you’re walking through a rough period of life, bump BOOST to find hope every day. You can even take BOOST with you wherever you go by streaming right now by clicking here to listen. Or you can easily bring BOOST with you by downloading the BOOST App.
What can you expect from listening to BOOST Radio?
BOOST isn’t your typical hip-hop station. Don’t worry, you’ll hear music with great beats that you’ll wanna turn up in the car. The difference… This music has meaning.
You’re going to hear DJs that are real people. Laughing. Having fun. And being honest about life.
And you’re going to notice that BOOST leaves you feeling a little better about life in general. A few minutes of listening should leave you feeling hopeful and refreshed.
Yeah, we know that’s a big promise. But don’t just take our word for it, try it yourself!
